The Psychology of Moving to Tulsa

by Julie DeLong, A-1 Freeman Moving Group 

Moving - Moving BoxesPrepare for the Worst, Hope for the Best

Moving is stressful—no matter the situation, any time you must pack up all your worldly possessions (read--old college papers, things you have been meaning to repair, kids’ art projects) and move them to a new residence is overwhelming for even the most lively and optimistic among us. When you've secured your dream job—five states away--and your spouse will have to vacate their career, when life has tossed you a big roadblock and you're essentially forced to move, when living independently is no longer an option---you have to deal with a lot of emotional ups and downs at the same time as the anxiety of the actual move to Tulsa.

One aggravation in moving is coping with the whims of the real estate business. You are a successful adult, respected in your community, and your life is totally in the balance of some people you've never met--what if your house does not sell when you want it to? Suppose the buyers who put an offer on your house find a different house that they like better? What if they ask you to leave the refrigerator and the kids' sandbox? Suppose the appraiser notices the rift in the foundation that is sort of covered behind the landscaping? What if the inspector discovers your new home has a leaky roof or there's a gas station and travel plaza projected for across the street from your new subdivision? Here is the reality. You have little control over any of these items. The best plan of attack is to ensure that the realtor helping with your home and the realtor helping you with the new home are knowledgeable and do their jobs--and work with both to have a emergency plan should something go awry.

Think about real estate transactions as a giant run of dominoes--closings usually are dependent upon another closing happening as scheduled. One blunder six steps down the timeline can impact your buyers timetable, and a similar thing goes for the house you are moving to—a last minute mishap might mean you can't close at the time that you thought you could, and you're up at night pondering how you will handle being homeless for a a couple days, or if you might just move into one of the moving company’s moving trucks and set up camp.

Take a deep breath. One of the perks of the recession is that real estate regulations have changed and there are not nearly as many last-minute changes with your closings. You should find out about any possible issues days before your closing date, and in the event something does change, moving companies are super used to working with changing timetables. If something does slow things down, you may have the choice of moving in a few days prior to when you actually close--again, a good realtor thinks about contingencies, so you do not have to fret about these things.

Touch base with your realtors and lender once a week leading up to your scheduled closing to make sure all the inspections and repairs and specifics are on schedule; keeping in the know gives you at least a feeling of control, and if there is a glitch you're not hit unexpectedly.

If something unexpected does take place, like if you are building and an out-of-stock supply has delayed inspections and you do not have the occupancy certificate several days before you close because the plumbing is not done, AND you have an immovable closing date on your old home and the movers are booked up, do not panic. Most moving companies offer temporary or long-term storage until you can move into your new house, and your realtor may be able to assist you in finding short-term housing until your house is accessible. Problems like these are unlikely, but when they do occur your anxiety levels skyrocket--so rely on your team to help you find a remedy.

Moving - Moving BoxesThe Emotional Stages of Moving

So, you're moving to Tulsa--and it may be an exciting time, it could be a challenge. You might be moving four blocks or four hundred miles away. Everyone’s circumstances are distinct, but people are mostly alike--the emotional rollercoaster just varies from residence to residence. Some are kiddie sized, with happy Disney characters to ride in, and others resemble a death-defying, nausea-generating Loch Ness monster. The trick is to change that roller coaster into a mellow ride with chipper little people humming "It's A Small World" as you sail through your closets.

Some researchers and psychologists have equated moving--in any circumstance--to the Kubler-Ross five stages of grief model. Meaning, you experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance.

When you have created a life in one place, it is very normal to have mixed feelings about leaving the residence where you called home after your honeymoon, where you brought your kiddos home, where you observed all those birthdays and other special occasions. If your move is not an option but necessity, it is fine to rage at the state of affairs that have deposited you at the place where you are leaving your house because there are no other choices. Get furious, yell and whoop at the walls and ask your family and friends for assistance. Take some time attempting to figure out how to not have to relocate—perhaps your significant other could commute, or rent a crash pad in the new locale; if you require help keeping house, you could get live in help. Going through your choices, as insane as they could be, helps you work through the reality of moving so that it is a little less painful to accept it.

Then, you might spend several days or weeks in denial, of sorts. This is when your friends ask if they might stop over and help you go through your things, and you fudge a bit and say you're almost completed, when in reality you have pitched two dried up ink pens and an empty bottle of hand soap and haven’t picked up the first box for packing. If you are really wrestling with the specifics of purging and packing, allow your friends to assist. Or, ask your moving company to pack things up for you—many full-service movers have professional packers who can either get you started or do the entire job for you.

At some point, you'll accept the transition and change. It could not be the moment the moving vans pull up, it might take several months. But the human spirit is a resilient thing and you will come to accept and embrace your new locale in Tulsa. That's not to say it will be without angst, but being willing to start a new life and doing new activities can ease the nostalgia for your old home and your old life.

The members of your family might all experience congruent feelings, although with varying degrees of passion--teenagers’ reactions are going to be a tad more bold than that of a child. If you're vacating your family abode for senior living because one spouse's health has declined more rapidly, then the more active spouse may experience more anger and denial. The important thing is to keep in mind that the emotional ups and downs are normal and it would be odd if you didn't get sad or mad or a little crazy during the process.

Keeping your move in perspective is key to arriving to the new residence in one piece. Your life isn't housed in the brick and mortar of your old residence, your life is in the memories you have formed there. Don’t forget that you won't lose old friends, and that you'll meet new ones. And one day soon, you will open the front door and say to yourself, "I'm home."

Moving - Moving BoxesEasing the Transition

Most people are intrenched in habits--even young children choose their cuddly stuffed animal and you’ll be in trouble if it's in the wash at nap time. Likewise, when you move, you are lots of times changing up most of your habits in place and even when you're pleased about the new residence, the new life you have got to construct around it is difficult to even the most even keel person. When you're moving and concerned about establishing a new life for you and your family in Tulsa, here are some suggestions to ease the transition.

Get your family excited about the move to Tulsa. If this deciphers to agreeing that your teenage daughter can paint her favorite rock band’s newest album on her wall, put a smile on your face and get the paint. It may mean that finally you have enough space for a dog—figure out what kind of dog would fit best with your family, and as soon as you are settled into your new home, head to the local shelter and pick one out. Plan to bring home two, as everybody needs a pal. Let your kids pitch tents and camp out in that new yard. Yes, it's bribery of a sort, but it's all for the best and the thrill of new activities and besides, puppies help everybody buy into the new house and town. And, if you are the one having a difficult time with it, seeing your family settling in goes a long way to improving your state of mind.

When you are moving, the world-wide web (if you're older that phrase means something to you) makes the move a lot smoother. You probably used real estate websites to look for your new residence and analyze schools and neighborhoods, so you have a adequate idea already of your new area. Use social media to link up with people--towns of every size have mom groups that suggest all kinds of things from dermatologist reviews to the best piano lessons--and don’t forget that your new neighbors are great resources. Lots of neighborhoods have social media pages and online listings that tell you whose kids babysit, dog walk and shovel snow.

If you have kids, finding new activities is much more crucial to them than that pediatrician. Being able to get right back into basketball or karate or gymnastics keeps them on a schedule and helps them feel a part of their new community-the last thing you want is to have pouting children around the home grumbling that they hate you and do not have anyone to hang out with. And here's a fun fact—findings show that moving during the school year can be less stressful for new students than moving over the summer break. When you commence a new school at the beginning of the year it's easier to get lost in the craziness of the new year , but when you arrive when school's in session, it is more likely your kids will meet friends faster and be more interested in school.

The loss of a feeling of community can be a tough part of a relocation for the grown-ups. When you're in the habit of swinging into a neighbor's abode just because you see her car in the driveway, going to a new locality where you do not know a soul is rough. Remember that your new neighbors are most likely interested in being friends with you, because they have likely said bye to their drive-by buddies and are looking forward to getting to know the new neighbors (aka – you!). Playing with the dog outside is a good way to run into the neighbors--their curiosity about you is high, and this provides you an easy way to get to know everybody.

The majority of churches and synagogues have newcomers’ groups that that you can join, and help you to work out how you fit within that community. Most schools love volunteers, so think about getting involved. And, if you're a member of a national club such as Rotary or Junior League your membership can be easily transferred.

Life changes are difficult, but by granting yourself and your family the okay to be a bit sad about the past will aid everyone embrace the future.

If you are contemplating a move, contact A-1 Freeman Moving Group to begin on your free in-home estimate. We promise to do our part to make your move to Tulsa as stress-free as possible.